Tags: halloween
Current Location: apartment
Current Music: Aghast, Hexerei Im Zwielicht Der Finsternis

I'm not sure if you're reading this, but thank you :o) All went well.

Current Location: home
Current Mood: relieved
Current Music: washing machine

The Road goes ever on and on
     Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
     And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with weary feet,
     Until it joins some larger way,
Where many paths and errands meet.
     And whither then? I cannot say.

Nothing to do but live, and learn, and try to live again.

Tags: stirring
Current Location: apartment
Current Mood: tentative
Current Music: On the Media

I've been alive for almost 35 years now, yet I have nothing but a trail of grief and ruination to show for it. Perhaps it's time to admit that I've forfeited my right to be here any longer.

Current Mood: lost

Then, catching his foot on a stone, he fell sprawling and lay upon his face. For a while he was as still as if his own curse had struck him down; then suddenly he wept.
     He rose and passed his hand over his eyes, dashing away the tears. 'What have I said?' he cried. 'What have I done? Frodo, Frodo!' he called. 'Come back! A madness took me, but it has passed. Come back!'

There was no answer. Frodo did not even hear his cries. He was already far away ...

I would gladly take a dozen or so arrows to the chest right now.

Tags: too late
Current Location: apartment
Current Mood: hollow
Current Music: npr

All the things I could have done, could have said, but didn't. I feel like I'm suffocating under the weight of it all.

Tags: sorrow
Current Location: apartment
Current Mood: despair
Current Music: npr

It would be a little easier if I could just skip the morning.

Current Location: apartment
Current Mood: defeated
Current Music: npr

Dreams can be atrocious. Nightmares are one thing, but at least you wake up from them relieved. It's orders of magnitude worse to dream that your worst mistakes have been rectified, that the things you broke have been made whole, and that the people you hurt are now smiling, only to wake and realize it was all a mirage. It's the most hideous form of practical joke.

Tags: dreams
Current Location: apartment
Current Mood: empty
Current Music: npr

That's what I'm having right now, since I made two dozen of them yesterday. They came out very well, methinks, even though I ended up having to use salted butter instead of unsalted for the icing (I can't discern any difference). My banana bread got the seal of approval from the department the other day. There was no way I could eat two whole loaves so I brought the first one in to be gobbled up by others. Today I'm going to bring the batch of cupcakes home to see what the 'rents think. Who'd have thought I would find baking so enjoyable? It's certainly a much needed distraction in present circumstances. I have to start doing some real cooking too, as cupcakes and banana bread do not make for the healthiest of meals, so I bought a new cookbook on Friday, Healthy Cooking for Two (or Just You). Now I've got to go out and pick up some staples and ingredients. I never realized until now just how much crap a single human organism seems to need to live even a moderately comfortable life.

Tags: baking
Current Location: apartment
Current Music: Sunday Baroque

Another little flub (put in half a tablespoon of milk instead of a full tablespoon), but I'm quite pleased with my second attempt at banana bread. The chocolate chips I added this time were a big plus. I'm not sure how I'm going to eat all this, but I'll give it the old college try. I also discovered that one part of the recipe would, in itself, make for a very yummy icing. Butter, sugar, a couple of eggs, and voila! the perfect icing for cupcakes or whatever else needs it. Maybe that will be my project over the 3-day weekend.

Tags: baking
Current Location: apartment
Current Mood: pensive
Current Music: npr